So.... as a new Primerica Associate, I have to accomplish a certain set of things, one of them being reading at least 10 pages of self help books every night and every morning. Yesterday, I went to the Oviedo Library (yes, we have a library) to re-establish my library card (it was so old, it had my dad's co-signature on it, which is required when the card is issued out to a minor). While I was waiting for the new card, I found one book on my list called "Success is not an accident," by Tommy Newberry.
There are many others I have to read, but I'm only going to read them one at a time so it's okay that I didn't find the first four or so at the top of the list... Also, being the scanner type that I am (I think) and also being the curious snatcher of all shiny things, I happened go off on a tangent and pick up Twyla Tharp's "The Creative Habit," (apparently she's a famous choreographer for Broadway musicals i.e. John's comment "THE Twyla Tharp? Wait, I don't know any other Twyla Tharps...no I'm pretty sure no other ones exist...Nevermind,"). I also picked up two other books called "Nickel and Dimed, On (Not Getting By in America)" by Barbara Ehrenreich and "The Working Poor, Invisible in America" by Pulitzer prize winner David K. Shipler aaaaand one more!- "Overcoming Indecisiveness" by what sounds like a doctor by trade, Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D. Phew.
The two books on working class America interested me because my new job is centered around helping middle class families with their financial goals. Also, the fact that I was given a list of books to read was way too structured for me :D. 1)I think I just enjoy rebelling against the list a tiny bit, I guess because it makes me feel outrageously defiant and 2)Because I like to see different perspectives and maybe these two offer some other ideas AND 3)Understanding the difficulties that come with hard work (over smart work perhaps?), not that I haven't been there myself, could help me relate to others. That last reason was total poop biscuits. (Inside joke). (Substitute the word 'bullsh*t). !
Oh and if you know me at all, you know that "Overcoming Indecisiveness" has my name written all over it.
Anyways, time for some self help goodness to get me back on track...
So, last night I read through the intro and chapter 1.
First I will attempt to recall whatever I can off the top of my head....Then I will just go and type up critical stuff right out of the book for my own benefit. It's all credited to Tommy Newberry.
I. Okay, so what I recall are these major points of:
Success is Not an Accident, Tommy Newberry, America's Success Coach
Alright, well, what did I read... Here's one major point that I took away:
1) People reap what they sow.
It's true that life is unfair. Some people are born into wealth, some are born into poverty. Some are smarter or more attractive than others, etc. But Tommy Newberry says the unfairness is just how life is. He says that without the inequalities we wouldn't have the need, desire, or motivation to rise above all the obstacles and become successful. Many people who have a great set of cards dealt to them (life-poker analogy) can be totally unsuccessful when they decide to do nothing with what they have, wasting their time, defaulting into mediocrity, just getting by and not unlocking their full potential.
While I'm reading this, the cynic in me leads me to think that some of Newberry's words resonate with ulterior political motives...like he's anti-socialist, pure pro-free market competition and very conservative. Maybe that's true, but anyway, some of the ideas seem to make sense. I don't like that he seems to be isolating liberal/socialists from a political standpoint or how political ideology plays such a major role in a self help book (seeing as something so helpful should appeal to everyone regardless of their political ideals), but there were some key concepts that I think are very helpful and very true.
So going beyond politics, and getting back to the book, everyone reaps what they sow. Because life is littered with inequalities, some people have more obstacles than others, but it is all about taking full responsibility for every choice you make instead of assessing blame. I can accept this and I think it's true. Take responsibility over your own life and the choices you make. Everyone has a different set of obstacles, some more than others, but that can't stop you from doing the best with the hand you are dealt. You could have the best hand, for example, a lot of smarts and talents, and never amount to anything. Or you could have the worst hand, lots of obstacles standing in your way, and become a major success.
But Newberry poses the question "What does success mean to you?" Taking things a step further, Newberry proposes that you reflect on your definition of success and decide whether or not it is based on "outside circumstances or other people." Newberry also points out that "the most successful people in the world are those who have taken the time to figure out exactly who they want to be and what they want to achieve (no wonder I haven't been successful...I'm the most indecisive, confused person I know), and then invest the hours of their days in activities consistent with these ideals." Here are Newberry's
5 criteria to help crystallize your unique definition of success: (page 5)
1. Controllable: Make your definition within your control, not based on outside circumstances or other people. (My thought: because you can only deal with or change what you can control. Compare to Covey's spheres of influence in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
2. Measureable: Make your definition quantifiable so that you can hold yourself accountable. (My thought: For example instead of saying, I would be successful this year by losing weight, say I would be successful this year if I lost x lbs or x inches off my waist. Have a quantifiable goal means having a clear goal with a starting point and a finish line to try to get to).
3. Perpetual: Formulate your definition so that you can satisfy your definition on a daily basis. (My thought: Example: I would be successful this year if I lost x lbs or x inches off my waist by doing x hrs of exercise every weekday).
4. Personal: Choose your own definition, not a borrowed one. (My thought: chose a definition of success for you, not what may be popular or what your parents want, or what other people think, for example. Also, I have the most trouble with this step, because I feel like a lot of what people want is wrapped up in 'other circumstances and other people' through socialization. What people think defines success in Western society I think would tend to be different than people that were socialized in the East would think. I have a hard time pinning down what is truly personal and separating that by what's expected by others).
5. Principle based: Establish your definition on absolute truths, not on subjective, timely or situational values. (My thought: This makes sense, but how is this not relative? Some people don't even buy into absolute truths. What would a nihilist think? Although nihilism is arguably paradoxical itself. How would you know what the absolute truths are without real life experience? As a young person, do you rely on what you were taught or what is logical? This is tricky for me. If someone thinks a negative, harmful, or 'evil' principle is absolutely true and they establish their definition of success around their faulty principle, what do we say about them? With bad principles would they be doomed to fail? Or could they succeed with bad principles? I think Newberry would say that their 'bad' principles weren't based on absolute truths or the 'immutable laws of nature.' Many of us pursue the truth, but it kinda freaks me out when someone thinks they know what all those truths are. I guess you have to decide for yourself with experience? That's one thing that initially bothered me with Covey. He talked about living life the 'right way' with 'correct principles.' I know I have intuitive feelings about what I think is 'right' but how do I know it really is so?
II. Now that your definition of success is crystallized- hard as rock! or muddied up and confused :), I'll quickly go over a couple other points and some quotes worth mentioning:
Reap, then sow. Success is planned, not an accident. "Success in life is not based on need, but seed.' If I want more out of life, I have to contribute more. Example again: If I want to lose x inches of my waist by the end of the year, I have to eat well and exercise every day. I have to put forth some effort, perpetually. I'm not going to accidently lose 3 inches by doing nothing.
"When you try to get something for nothing, you become nothing." (I kinda like that one a lot)
"Everything you do or fail to do counts. Every action has a consequence even if it isn't immediate" (I like this one too, but I feel like some people are better at 'getting away' with stuff than others. According to this, though, they could be paying the price later)
"...when you make a choice, you also choose the consequence of that choice." (Aren't some consequences unexpected or out of our control? For example, freak accidents? I guess the point is that you're not helping anyone by thinking that way.)
"Nobody can stop the ticking clock." (What about that stuff rule in NFL games, where you can call time out in the middle of an extra point kick? Maybe that should be done away with :)
"An extraordinary life is simply the accumulation of thousands of efforts, often unseen by others, that lead to the accomplishment of worthwhile goals"
"You are rich with choice."
"My father taught me that the only helping hand you're ever going to be able to rely on is at the end of your sleeve." -J.C. Watts
III. Okay, I feel like I'm repeating myself. Here are a few more points:
I gotta hurry before Namaste yoga starts on fit-tv! (Dork alert)
Last topics:
-"What's Your excuse?" "It's very easy to say 'I'm not responsible,' and so hard to say 'I am responsible."
Stop using your brain to create rational lies and commit to an "excuse free zone." "Look to only yourself for the cause of your problems or lack" (Makes sense, since you can only control yourself... a topic covered at our last meeting on Saturday morning when I was put on the spot about a comment I made).
-"Excuse Exploder: Whenever you think of an excuse, ask yourself if there has ever been anyone, anywhere who has been in similar circumstances and who has succeeded in spite of it. When you move beyond the whining and justifying, you'll find that the answer is almost always 'yes'..." (pg 13)
-"Stay empowered and in control by analyzing all unpleasant situations from the perspective of what you can do to avoid their recurrence"
-"...anticipate and eliminate all excuses in advance"
-"Remember, there is never enough rooms for buts and brilliance" *giggle* "Do I want my Big But or do I want my goal?" (pg 15) hahahhahah!
- be a doer instead of a feeler (This goes against my personality profile. I'm an intuitive person, not a logical one, but I'll keep this in mind and make an extra effort to overcome the passive 'go with the flow' tendency)
- Abundance v. survival: 'Focus on what you can earn...consider what the seemingly impossible possibilities...and start asking what your most magnificent goal should and could be..."
-"Your success blesses others"
IV. Lastly, "The Bill is Responsibilities" is shown on pg. 18 (Don't want to give the entire book away) and the last page of this chapter has a list of assignments.
Lesson 1 Assignments:
1. Write out your personal definitions of success and failure.
2. Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. On the left hand side, write down everything in your life that you can control, either partially or completely. In the right hand column, write down those aspects of your life over which you have absolutely no control.
3. Write out 20 of your positive characteristics.
4. Write out 20 of your past accomplishments.
5. Write out 20 of your greatest blessings.
6. Write out 20 blessings you expect to be grateful for 9 years from now.
7. Describe your ideal day in detail, from the moment you wake up until you drift to sleep. Include as many emotion-provoking details as possible.
(This is all straight out of the book "Success Is Not An Accident" by Tommy Newberry. I apologize if this seems like plagiarism but I'm not claiming any of this. I'm just typing out all the stuff that stood out). You can read the book yourself if you want to check out the "Bill of Responsibilities."
That's it for now. I'll be back next time with the next chapter and it's highlights. Thanks for reading.
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